New Year, New Ideas

As I near close to my mid-life crisis, I realize that interning is not enough. I would like to leave a bigger smudge on this great big ball of dirt, and water (mud?).

 This year I've Stage Managed some wonderful productions, and yet I still feel the need to be a part of something bigger. Something that would (ideally) last forever... or maybe just a very long time.

My best friend's despair and disappointment at his current stage in life seemed to be the solution ( just stay with me). The solution is that we are (drum roll) forming a production company! Oh of course this sounds fun and great in theory, and in a perfect world start-up capital would grow on trees. But, hey, why not? the worst we can do is fail.

In short, I guess this entry is the beginning of journey down a different road in the same jungle. Instead of cutting through as an intern, I'll be leading the expedition crew. We may strike gold, or we may all end up with Montezuma's revenge. I honestly don't know, but I'm super excited, and am already up to my eyeballs with grant applications. In short, I hope you (whoever you are) will embark with me on this journey once again into the  world of theatre (and film!).

                                                                               -Chris Exavier

And so it begins: Fall Casting Internship

 
The goal of every generation is to be better than the last. These twelve words were and are the driving force behind most if not every choice I make (professionally anyway). I am a first generation New Yorker born to parents with your typical immigration story. They worked intelligently and with purpose and were able to put their children through college and pay off the mortgage.

Every parent, or at least those that I have been exposed to, want three things for their children: Doctor. Lawyer. Engineer. So naturally, I ran away... I kid. I did what was expected of me; I forfeited the friends of my youth for textbooks and medical books instead. For junior high school, I opted for a specialized school whose driving force was to prepare young minds for a life in the medical field.

At the age of twelve, I had my first hospital internship. Nothing major- the internship consisted mainly of shadowing doctors, filing papers and doing research papers. I did well enough; not because I was (or am) a genius but rather because my parents refused to get cable, as a result I was not blessed with the gift of distraction from my studies.

After two years, I felt trapped and had to get out. I transferred into a 'regular' school mostly because I became disenchanted with the notion of working in a hospital for the rest of my life. It was not until high school that I began to find myself (clichéd I know, I know, and I cannot promise that it will not happen again). In this school, there was more than just chemistry, biology and physics. I would be able to explore other venues; I was as stated before having second thoughts about becoming a surgeon, sure the cutting part was nifty, and I had the stomach for it, but was it something that I wanted to do for the next fifty years of my life. These were heavy questions for the young teen me. In addition, for obvious reasons I could not share my concerns with my parents. For them the choice was apparent- do something not because it makes you happy- but rather because it's a means to an end, a way to secure a future for yourself and your future family.

My first experience with theatre was joing my high school's Shakespeare Club. In all honesty, I thought we would just be reading the plays. Had I known that we would be performing in front of every class in school I would've reconsidered.

My first role ever was as Biondello in Taming of the Shrew. My experience in the Shakespeare club began my intrigue with theatre- To be frank, I'm not so thrilled about the acting bit of theatre, but the process- it's the process that I love, and am obsessed with until this day. To see a play/film go from an idea and concept to something tangible is an amazing feeling and endeavor; sure, it is sometimes stressful and full of vicissitudes- but so is anything and everything worth doing.

Here began yet another dilemma I've found something that I am not only good at but that I'm (gasp) passionate about and enjoy. How do I express these sentiments to my parents without them disowning me? So naturally I did what any self respecting young person does- I continue taking classes such as 'medical biology' and 'bio-research', I got another internship, and by seventeen, I was involved in Westinghouse. I still remember my experiment: "Effects of caffeine on the coordination of Uca Pugnax'. Needless to say I did not win Westinghouse, but I did receive a project grade of 99- Naturally my parents inquired about the remaining point. (Really?)

By the time college applications were being filled and filed I came to a crossroads (yet another one). I did not want to disappoint my family, yet at the same token, I didn't share their vision. So instead of standing up for myself and voicing my wants... I did nothing. I let college deadlines pass me by. Sure my grades were well enough but I refused to pay for something I could never fully enjoy (sort of like a blow-up doll with a pin sixed hole in it...but I digress).

I enrolled in the nearby community college as I had finally told my parents that I was no longer interested in pre-med or medicine- I did not want to risk my life telling them I would not be pursuing some sort of higher education.

The people and choices I met and made at said community college; introduced me to stage-managing and showed me that theatre is so much more than just acting and directing...so much more. I soon began working odd jobs as a light and soundboard op. First in Queens than moving about in various theaters off off and off Broadway. I was truly content. I was even enrolled in a 'proper' college.

However this only lasted a handful of years; around that time my mother became ill, and the sicker she became the higher my guilt and the lower my grades- even worst my work ethic became detestable. My mother eventually passed and I pursued nothing for four years. I worked as a server, and a veterinary assistant drank often and wasted away.

It took me longer than most (I'm not the sharpest knife in the kitchen) but I realized that life is short- and doing better than the last generation does not necessarily mean monetarily better(although it's an added bonus). My goals then shifted

a) I had to stop doing nothing immediately.

b) My new goal was to be content with the person I am in the morning and with the choices I've made at night.

I know what my passions and talents are and they live within the realm of the Arts. Whether stage managing, directing, writing, camera work, mixing a live internet stream, etc I can't get enough.

So now (many) years later like the prodigal son I have returned- wary and hoping for the lowest of jobs, but finding so much more. I have been welcomed back with opened arms and celebration. Right so the parties only take place in my head, but the point is that I'm back in school, and via a series of unforetold and unexpected events I am stage-managing in the Lower East Side and have a casting internship in Chelsea.

I know not what the future holds for me. I do not know if I will get a happy ending... or just end up with a bad massage. One thing I do know is that I am (finally) on the right path (again). This is my life's journey; may it lead to good things and not just blisters.

                                                                             -Chris Exavier